Prologue: This post was originally a comment over at Sunshinemary’s very good blog, The Woman and the Dragon. The post itself was about a young couple who were struggling with traditional husband and wife roles; particularly the frequency of sex. At some point, it transformed into a bit of an intervention on how to get me to realize the usefulness of Game, and how I’m in denial about my use of it in my own life; after revealing some spots of serious trouble. During the rising action of the confrontation, Sunshinemary threw out (as an aside) that she didn’t know what a Neg is, or Push/Pull. I used that as a springboard for an overall statement on my thoughts on Game (though I confess I didn’t intend this when I started it). We pick up at the climax of the conversation with me defining the “Neg”.
“Neg” and “push-pull” are somewhat related, in their intents. In a further demonstration of the depths of my hypocrisy, the easiest way to explain the Neg is by example.
Yesterday, going through security at the airport, the screener was a young pretty Puerto Rican girl with crazy long eye-lashes. In an attempt to make my day less oppressive (because I HATE the TSA, airports, and my platinum status), I said, “Those are some serious eyelashes you’ve got there.”
That was a Neg. And she responded as a PUA would predict: by proving herself. Suddenly she’s not bored by checking my ID, but looking at me–half-shocked and half-pleased–and saying, “They’re real! I wouldn’t wear fake lashes!”, as she mindlessly scribbles on my ticket. All thoughts of me being a potential bomber have flown. If I had said, “I like your eyelashes”, she would have offered a self-satisfied “Thanks” without ever looking up.
Of course, as soon as I got my ticket back, I thought: Crap. I just Gamed her., but it never even occurred to me in the process. I was just trying to not hate being at the airport. Again, it’s not that Game doesn’t work. That’s not the question. It is this: Is this something that most Christian men should be studying? And if it is, is reading PUAs the right way to go about learning it?
I know: to the sexually frustrated men of the world I sound like the biggest sonuvabitch. What other reason can there be for me to argue against Game–which is what they see when I describe what I do–except to conclude that I’m trying to keep other men from being successful? We’ll come back to this.
If Game means simply the list of tools: 1) Neg (tease), 2) Push-Pull (busy now, call you later), 3) Kino(escalation in touch, duration of touch, and meaning of touch) 4) Passing Fitness Tests (ignore, deride humorously, amplify to absurdity) then I don’t really have a problem with it.
BUT! Successful Game-users will tell you that you can’t just follow a checklist, you have to make it your Frame. What do they mean?
If Game is about building “Frame” (sometimes called Impenetrable Frame), then we ought to know what we mean by “Frame”. “Frame” is short for “Frame of Reference”. In other words, from what point of view do you hear comments, make comments, and take action? It’s a question of who is the author of that reference. If it’s biology–as Game says–then do whatever is biologically sound; whatever it permits. If our frame of reference is scripture as the Word of God, then we ought to be looking from scripture’s perspective whenever we have a question of the Author about what we should say or do.
1. It’s been said on here that I have natural Impenetrable Frame. It’s taken as a given that my sexual “success” with women is proof of that Frame.
2. I’ve said that whatever Frame I have is because of the discipline I received growing up; very much including reading and memorizing scripture. In turn, I suggest that others start reading and memorizing scriptures; that the frame will grow out of this.
3. I am implicated as a idiot-savant (at best), and a Dark Game-using* liar (at worst); when I say it’s scripture that set my frame.** It’s said to me that scripture won’t get you there. It’s further retorted to me that–according to the deep reading into the psychology of my writing–that what I actually did was employ Game, but I just can’t see it. This is credited to either my blinding stupidity, or my guilty cheating heart, or both.
To return to the long-eyelash girl: The truth of the matter is that–if you read the Bible–you’ll learn that allowing yourself to be charmed by a woman’s beauty can be a ruinous path. You’ll also learn that women aren’t supposed to be flaunting their beauty. If a woman is doing so, this is a sign of bad character, and other ungodly behavior. You must balance this with the idea that beauty is real, and itself godly. The way forward is to notice the beauty of the world, but not be beguiled by it because earthly beauty is fleeting. It’s godly beauty that is truly worthy of praise. So, the Bible-reading man who notices a particularly beautiful woman says to himself: “Now, there’s something.” If saying it aloud to the possessor of beautiful eyelashes, you might say it as: “Those are some serious eyelashes you’ve got there.”
OR, you could read Roissy’s Sixteen Commandments of Poon. Number Ten is “Ignore her beauty”. Without even reading past the rule to the whole definition, the superiority of the scriptural method reveals itself. Whatever truth is in the definition is–at best–incomplete, because ignoring a woman’s beauty is to miss something wonderful. But let’s take a look at that commandment’s definition:
The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire. This is one reason why the greatest lotharios drown in more love than they can handle — through positive experiences with so many beautiful women they lose their awe of beauty and, in turn, their powerlessness under its spell. It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on. Instead, say to yourself “she’s interesting” or “she might be worth getting to know”. Never compliment a girl on her looks, especially not a girl you aren’t fucking. Turn off that part of your brain that wants to put them on pedestals. Further advanced training to reach this state of unawed Zen transcendence is to sleep with many MANY attractive women (try to avoid sleeping with a lot of ugly women if you don’t want to regress). Soon, a Jedi lover you will be.
Did you catch that? Let me translate: To see beyond the outer beauty of any given female, you must sleep with MANY attractive women. Does this sound anything but immoral to anyone? (I don’t want to hear “Dark Game”*.) What Roissy and scripture agree on is that you can’t just say to yourself, mantra-like: Ignore her beauty. Ignore her beauty. Ignore her beauty. You’ve got to have a reason to actually believe it. You must be saying this to yourself reflexively, automatically. If you don’t, you can’t count on saying the right thing to the girl at the right time. Scripture says we do this by having good order; by observing everything in its place. Roissy says to do this by dashing your preconceptions about beauty on the boulders of many attractive, promiscuous, women.
The great thing about using Roissy’s Commandment Ten as an example is that this one is almost universally touted as being essentially Christian in spirit and practice. It’s not me who hasn’t been thinking seriously about Game, and it’s not Roissy either.
Plus, now you know why I picked this blog’s title.
*How does an amoral set of tools, or even some subset of those tools, acquire the modifier “Dark”? What sense does Dark Game make, when Game is amoral? Biology is the author of Game, and biology is amoral; so all Game is therefore amoral, and so by definition cannot be Dark. After all, Game takes it as a given that men are by nature polygynous; so really we have to say that cheating is just an amoral biological function, and that it is scripture which is transgressing on biology’s innocent, amoral, tools.
**Has it occurred to anyone that the best PUAs currently in the Game world are either current or former Christians (Roissy, Rollo, Mentu, ThePrivateMan, the list goes on…) with more than a passing knowledge of scripture? Why do we attribute their success to palm-reading tricks instead of the power of God’s word; even in the hands of sinners? Furthermore: Has it occurred to anyone that a person could read scripture and then use it to seduce; that there are plenty of women out there who get turned on by the idea of the Son of the Preacher Man? Call it: Dark Scripture.