I think, ultimately, I’ve given the manosphere’s denizens far too much credit. There’s this conspiracy aspect to it that I’ve taken too seriously. This is, ironically, probably because I lack empathy. Because I’m aware of this failing, I try to take people seriously.
When I first came here, to the manosphere, I said, essentially, “Stop being such a pussy.” That did not go over well. Not only did it not go over well: the reaction was vitriolic.
“NO NO NO NO! You don’t understand the nature of the problem facing men today! It’s not men who are the problem, but women! They’re everywhere!”
They are everywhere. They don’t seem to ever shut up, sit down, or even stay out of the the locker-room–literally or figuratively. (I long for a bar with no TV, or women but perhaps the wenches…but I repeat myself.) Well, I thought, I can relate. I’ve had a lot of problems with women. Namely: that in the past my wife had not wanted to have sex with me anymore, but many other women did. I was skeptical, though, that women were the problem because I believe what scripture says about men being the leaders. Not only that it can be true, or should be true, but that it IS true; that while God’s design can be corrupted, it cannot be destroyed. We get the leaders we deserve, so to speak. Not only deserve, but need.
Now I’m confronted with this conspiracy theory of Ultimate Feminism that is oppressing men–even good ones–and it’s upheld by some very smart and well-spoken people. It has to be a conspiracy because it is circumventing the natural order, as I understand it. That is some serious shit. We MUST be talking about the ultimate conspiracy–the one that goes back to the Garden of Eden.
And there’s this guy Roissy who sounds like he’s been living in my head. The only difference is that he embraces his nature, while I’m trying to shun it. I can feel what little empathy I have left seeping away. The Dark Side feels good. That’s partially how I know it’s dark. Pain is the hallmark of the teacher.
So, what do I do? “If you’re going to be stupid, you’ve gotta be tough.” Dive into the pain. You can see this in my writing. I want to get pummeled here, and I want to pummel, as well; otherwise no one learns anything. This is why some think I’m a troll. They can’t understand why in the world I would spend my time writing thousands and thousands of words, unless I’m either trying to sidetrack the conversation, or because I just want to berate people. No, no. When someone like Dalrock, or Matt King, or Desiderius, or Vox focuses their efforts on destroying what I’ve said, I genuinely think, “Oh thank God.”, and “Oh shit” at the same time. Because while I’ll be damned if I’m going to give up my position without a fight, I am well aware that I have had to unlearn, and relearn many many things, and it’s almost always for the better. Almost. My experiences as Roissy (long before I’d ever heard of him) were the exception.Those were maiming wounds.
Now, one of these epicenters where the conspiracy is propagated from is church. It certainly is in a lot of sermons across all denominations. I’ve witnessed them myself in MANY churches; nearly all of them, in fact. My solution? Well, men need to start going to church. We need to re-capture it. The problem with a groundwar in Asia is that you can’t hold ground without men, and there simply aren’t enough men to cover Asia. The church is hardly Asia, is it? Or is it? Again: this is the Ultimate Conspiracy. So, I think in terms of the ultimate conspiracy of scripture–the attempted overthrow of Heaven. There is no other conspiracy worth spending time on, if we believe what we say we believe.
But going to church is the ultimate folly, according to the manosphere. In the way that I believe men are corrupted by, say, going to a strip club, denizens of the manosphere think going to church corrupts men. It is only acceptable to either
- Quit church altogether (what is the point, and how can disbanding make us stronger?)
- Go only to home-based churches (which seems very dubious to me, as our problem is lack of authority; not a surfeit of it.)
- Go to a night-club or strip-club, because those women at least know how to treat men, and for only a drink, or a dollar.
Now, I’m getting the sense that these men really HAVE been wholly corrupted. Their pain is such that they would choose what is obviously very stupid. Paradoxically, this lends weight to the Ultimate Conspiracy theory, so I inquire more fervently, more ardently. I try to fit the pieces of the puzzle into the only Ultimate Conspiracy I know and believe to be true.
Backlash. Sure, I got some of it wrong; maybe a lot of it, but it didn’t merit the whipsaw words that it garnered. What do I do? What you always do under fire: Go to cover; which means scripture. I go back to the very beginning, and, yes, I can see some of this ultimate conspiracy, but I’m so invested now in the words of the manosphere that the legitimate conspiracy I find can only be reconciled if we understand that if we’d simply trusted God to sort things out, and continue His revelation of the world–we’d not be in this mess. That makes sense. It makes total sense. It is the paradox of knowledge and faith.
That culminates in my blog, and my comments here over the past few weeks; which has been something of a maelstrom, at least for me. Heavy-hitters have been discussing and dissing my words for weeks now.
To come back to this post: I try to take the opportunity to start again. What. Is. Game? What I don’t realize is that somewhere along the way, my priorities changed. I’m no longer trying to discern truth: I’m trying to be in solidarity with the manosphere, but I’m still telling myself that I’m looking for truth.** Danger says:
Because it involves (not)* being fearful of your masculinity.
Never fear your masculinity. God made you that way for a reason…..one of them being that it is a complement to femininity.
Do not fear being cocky, that is masculine.
Do not fear being aggressive, that is masculine.
Do not fear talking sexual and desiring a woman, that is masculine.
The real issue at hand, is that somehow people are accepting the notion that it is ok for a woman to define what is acceptable behavior for men.
I am gobsmacked. THIS WAS MY STARTING POSITION! My retort:
So that’s it? Game is not being fearful? It takes dozens of new definitions, hundreds of blogs, and perhaps millions of comments for a few thousand men to work out that Game is courage?
was not born of flippancy at the problems of men, but at what felt like (there’s my mistake) the unmitigated GALL to say that everything I had been working for is pointless; that I had the proper attitude from the start. It is the worst sort of farce because it is a farce I perpetrated on myself. I should have seen it coming: I had the faith in men’s ability to lead, but I did not continue in that faith, and so investigated the “knowledge” of the manosphere.
Danger is right. Matt King is right. It is commonly known here, and derided, but it is the only solution: White Knighting for a slut. Yes, this is required of the Christian, for the family, and for a stable and prosperous society.
What I should have done is taken a step back, seen the group engaged in the sexual confusion that it is, and said:
“Men, what are you doing? Stop being pussies, and start that by stopping the circle-jerk. Then go to your church, and reclaim her.”
*Parenthetical edit to retain the original meaning.
**Not only this, but I was well-taught, so bits of my white-knighting frame come through in spite of my best efforts to reign him in. This confuses my message, and those reading my message. I’m all over the map, get angry at the confusion, and so discredit myself.