Pro-Neg-Ative Reactions

In response to my last post, Jay Dee said:

I would agree that game is like a toolbox, but that doesn’t mean all the tools in it are of good quality, or that there isn’t a better tool to use.

For example: Neg can be a tool, but I’d argue it’s about as good as a tool as using a piece of rock as a hammer to pound a nail into a board, when what you really need is a claw on the end of a real hammer to get the nail out. I don’t see any place for negging in a relationship, it’s a tool, but it’s a bad tool that is going to do more damage than good.

I’m actually a pretty big fan of teasing, or The Neg (which is just multilayer teasing), and often use it as a social lubricant.[1] Here’s a recent example; the remembrance of which caused Mrs. Caldo fits for the rest of the day.

We had just finished check-out at the register of a WalMart. I’d teased her about having to pay for everything, and as we walked through the sliding door I said, “You’re all right for a girl.”

About ten feet in front of us was a woman I’d guess was in her late forties who had overhead my comment. I’ve never laid eyes on her in my life, but she immediately whipped her head around gave me a scowl like she was my relative. This shocked my wife, but I just grinned ear to ear, and said, “Seriously. She’s not that bad!”

She turned her head again and responded, “If my husband said that he’d be in trouble.” By this point Mrs. Caldo was confused and angry. Confused because she didn’t know what this woman’s problem was, and mad because she was stirring up trouble.

“Oh, now,” I feigned, “I’m sure your husband thinks you’re all right for a girl, too.”

“Well, he better not say it!”

“Why not? Are you that bad?”

“Well, no…”

This continued on. It happened to be the case that she was parked on the same row as us, and we ended up chatting all the way back, and before we were halfway there she was laughing, and wished us a good day.

When we got into my truck, Mrs. Caldo was seething. “What was her problem? First she’s angry about none of her business, and then she’s all friendly and laughing. Her poor husband…”

“Tell me about it.”, I shot back.

“Hey! I’m not like that!”

“No, you’re all right for a girl.”

 

[1] In his post, I think KG doesn’t quite go deep enough in his analysis of why and how hot women get by on their looks. They often are trying to overtly manipulate men, but they would never admit it.

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12 thoughts on “Pro-Neg-Ative Reactions

  1. I think the definition of a Neg in my head must be off. What you described there didn’t fit it at all. If that’s all people are talking about, I have no issues, that’s just teasing, but what I’m seeing more in the “man-o-sphere” seems to be targeted lowering of self-esteem of the women, so that she will think more highly of you and/or feel the need to raise her status.

  2. @Jay Dee

    The Neg is a backhanded compliment form of teasing.

    Example: “You’re all right for a girl.”

    Not a Neg: “You’re not very bright, are you?”

    The latter is just sarcasm. Even when said teasingly it can in no way be considered a compliment. The Neg form of “You’re not very bright, are you?, would be, “You’re smarter than you look.” It should cause them to say, “Heeeeey!”, and elicit a desire to punch you in the arm; because punching is touching, and touching is fun.

    I will certainly agree with you about how its use gets misappropriated in the Men’s Sphere. There are two groups who generally do those: Those who are bitter at women, and those who think the Internet is a good place to develop cred. Both groups do not understand women, and therefore do not understand Game.

  3. @ Jay Dee

    It works from both ways. When a man talks he can say something that implies his relative SMV is higher than hers, or he can say something that implies her relative SMV is lower than his.

    If a woman believes she is above the man, then there’s absolutely no way the man will be able to generate any sort of attraction.

    What is typically termed a “neg” in the manosphere is typically a backhanded compliment which a girl’s hamster will run with. It would be something like “nice shoes, I haven’t seen those since my mother wore a pair” The man is complimenting her but then bending it backwards where he is disqualifying her (comparing it to his mom) or a negative connotation (old fashioned). An outright direct negative statement usually turns women off completely.

    It’s pretty much all “teasing” to some degree or another. Teasing a woman basically implies to her that your SMV is above hers whether you are attempting to lower hers below your level or not. The bigger the B-shield is the more you will have to so-called “neg” her SMV down under your level.

  4. When we got into my truck, Mrs. Caldo was seething. “What was her problem? First she’s angry about none of her business, and then she’s all friendly and laughing. Her poor husband…”

    My wife would have been more angry about her laughing at the end than her beaking off in the beginning. I suspect the same was true with Mrs. Caldo. The basic sentiment being:

    He’s my husband. Go find your own.

    That the woman in question was technically married doesn’t change the fact that in important ways she doesn’t have a husband of her own.

    Great story by the way. Those moments when interpersonal interactions spill over in public can be really funny. My wife still comments about us walking out of the theater after watching Mars Attacks! She was playfully mimicking the sound of the alien language (her mimic sounded a lot like “What! What! What!”). I responded “Those weren’t aliens! Those were wives!” It really didn’t make much sense; I was just teasing her. But we were in a crowd of people walking out of the theater and everyone around us burst out laughing.

  5. Those moments when interpersonal interactions spill over in public can be really funny.

    I suspect this happens with my husband and I more than is normal. Whether or not this is a good thing is open to debate, but we’re almost always having a good time.

  6. [1] In his post, I think KG doesn’t quite go deep enough in his analysis of why and how hot women get by on their looks. They often are trying to overtly manipulate men, but they would never admit it.

    Excellent point, Cane. It reminds me of an old comedy skit or commercial I vaguely recall in which a cop car pulls over a hot woman for speeding. As she’s waiting for the officer to come to the car, she does a quick mirror check and pushes her boobs up and puts on her best flirty sultry look and says “What’s the problem, officer?,” only to discover in shock a moment later that the officer was a police woman.

    I was hesitant to comment on the last thread, despite having my writing referenced by D, for fear I would be accused of Beta Orbiting the Christian-MAndrosphere’s premier AMOG….

    lozlozl

    See folks, that’s a neg…when men do it to each other, it’s all in good fun, but it does serve a real purpose in the way men relate to each other in an all-male group setting. Don’t be a pussy, you fag.

    When men do it with women, then it’s flirty banter, aka “game.”

    When men do it to other men in front of women…that’s when we get into AMOG games.

    In any case, Negs are invaluable verbal tools

    Nothing makes me laugh more than to see people denounce the neg as abusive, wrong and evil.

    A neg is supposed to be FUN, not pointed and deliberately hurtful.

  7. The woman in the OP was jealous. Guarantee it. Women do want their husbands to treat them like that, with that sort of flirty but subtle dominance. I feel sorry for women whose husbands don’t love them enough to tease them. And sorry is what I feel when I’m being a good Christian; when I’m being a bad Christian, I feel the desire to show off in front of other women the fact that my husband teases/negs me.

  8. @KG

    Just saw your comment! It got lost in the deluge.

    It reminds me of an old comedy skit […]

    Didn’t this happen in one of the Cannonball Run movies; with Daisy Duke as the one speeding? Might have been a Police Academy movie.

    …the Christian-Manosphere’s premiere AMOG…

    Mirror mirror on the web,
    Who’s the AMOGiest of the men?

    @SSM

    The woman in the OP was jealous. Guarantee it.

    Yes, she was envious, but genuinely upset, too. My neg blew a hole through her tapestry of ideas about how men should behave in polite society. As a woman, it is her desire (and even somewhat her place) to police social transgressions. The problem is that someone told her a lie, that “You’re all right for a girl” is equal to “Shut up, wench.”

    I would never say the latter in public. Pillowtalk is a family matter.

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