Insert Tab A into Slot B, Right?

It’s a terrible idea for a woman to marry a man for whom she believes she is settling. Conversely, it’s usually a good idea for a man to marry a woman who is below his station in life. The relative classlessness of America (on both counts) makes opaque what would be fairly transparent in a more firmly stratified culture.

In our aspirant meritocracy, various factors will be weighted differently for the respective genders. For example: Physical beauty raises a woman’s station more than it would a man’s, but a man’s intelligence–particularly if he can parlay that into more funds, or witty quips–is a bait valued more by a woman than a female’s eloquent speech is to her quarry.

There are, of course, limits to these generalities. Good-looking strippers are rarely accepted into the polite company of upper society, and men with a surfeit of brains will prefer the smart-mouth broads who can trade barbs. (Guilty.)

Are you getting the picture? This stuff is subtly complex, and complicated by subtleties. When it comes to assortive mating we (individually) barely know our asses from our elbows, as it applies to differentiating what is good for us from what we want. For this task we want the wisdom of the counsel of many; particularly from those who have been been heated in the furnace of marriage, yet have endured to be purified. Parents are a good start. Grandparents are even better because they are too old and too short for the world to give a damn about your modern conventions of emotion. At the very least, they will confirm you to the path you choose, and can provoke an “us against the world” attitude that can be useful when the world actually is against you.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Insert Tab A into Slot B, Right?

  1. The relative classlessness of America (on both counts) makes opaque what would be fairly transparent in a more firmly stratified culture.

    Very well put. I don’t know how you can really have effective assortive mating in a culture built on the very odea of upward mobility. Maybe I’m wrong about that?

    On grandparents: You have a point. My GMIL? I owe her a debt. Big time.

  2. Look, upward mobility is a good thing. the problem is that we don’t have any class at all. Class is looked down upon which is a problem. We need a certain level of stratification. We also want downward mobility. There are men that _shouldn’t_ have kids and there are a lot of them. We need them to be able to fall without cratering. We just don’t have a system that does that very well right now.

  3. It’s a terrible idea for a woman to marry a man for whom she believes she is settling.

    I agree with this but.

    Here’s the thing: as I noted in my recent post on this topic, women have these massive superiority complexes which are telling them practically every man they meet would be “settling”. So, while I agree a woman shouldn’t marry a man if she feels like he’s beneath her, that needs to be paired with a bit more realistic of an evaluation of exactly who is beneath her.

  4. @Elspeth

    I don’t know how you can really have effective assortive mating in a culture built on the very idea of upward mobility. Maybe I’m wrong about that?

    I think it’s possible with the proper guidance, incentives, and penalties.

    Besides, every woman is born with the idea of upward mobility. She wants more and better. That’s the role women will naturally play in civilization.

    @SSM

    Here’s the thing: as I noted in my recent post on this topic, women have these massive superiority complexes which are telling them practically every man they meet would be “settling”. So, while I agree a woman shouldn’t marry a man if she feels like he’s beneath her, that needs to be paired with a bit more realistic of an evaluation of exactly who is beneath her.

    That’s all her problem, and for her to figure out–with the judicious help of elders, friends, etc. The rest of us have a real simple solution: Women with massive superiority complexes do not deserve a husband. Don’t marry them, don’t tell them they should get married, and don’t go to their weddings if they do.

  5. Don’t marry them, don’t tell them they should get married, and don’t go to their weddings if they do.

    To borrow a line from some Protestant friends… Preach it!

    Our society is set up to make assortive mating exceptionally difficult. It can be done, but mostly hinges on the parents of the women. Alas, the able parenting skills of the past are mostly gone now. Parents and grand-parents should be able to provide the necessary wisdom, but are seldom capable of it nowadays. At least, that is my experience.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s