Innumerable Insanities

Donal Graeme asks a question:

As a man, I never gave serious thought to how women would rate themselves and each other. Part of me assumed that women could at least get a rough estimate. But after having read some comments and e-mails, and talking with some women I know, it seems that this isn’t the case at all. Apparently they are quite poor at rating their own attractiveness.

This shouldn’t have surprised me, really, but it did. And I don’t have a good excuse for it. How many posts and threads in the manosphere have discussed how women have completely unrealistic expectations these days? Hundreds at least. While the toxic hypergamy which infects the water supply in the West might be the cause of some of this, it can only work with what is already present. So it should have been obvious to me that women aren’t able, in most cases, to accurately place their own SMV value (which is what the 1-10 scale essentially represents).

[…]

Should a single woman looking to marry strive to find out her respective attractiveness on the 1-10 scale, in order to calibrate her relationship efforts towards men with whom she is roughly matched?

Now, this is an important and delicate subject, and Donal Graeme is undertaking a search for understanding. Like many undertakers, he’s working in the dark. So before we even attempt to suss out all the nuances, subtleties, and intricate interactions of this corpus we must illuminate what is to be studied. Let me get the light for you:

Women are crazy.

1) The singleness of a woman has nothing to do with whether she is concerned about her attractiveness. With very few exceptions: Every woman wants to know if she is attractive. Age and infirmity do have a mollifying effect, but even then the downward pressures of time and circumstance will only cause this desire to seek affirmation in lower regions (“I’m so glad you like it, honey. You love Grandma, don’t you?”)

Wherever you go, if the threads of conversation veer into the importance of the 1-10 scale, the women start throwing out their numbers, bolstering each other, etc. I’m speaking of Christian, married, and ostensibly sane women. (And perhaps they are; with passing moments of madness.) You can’t stop them from wanting to know; from trying to dictate; from competing with each other, and trying to make sure no one gets too far ahead of the fold. They’ll protest that they don’t mean to be competitive. As the saying goes: “Numbers don’t lie”, and self-referentially invoking the 1-10 scale is nothing but numbers. So what we see here is that, untrained, women are short sighted, vain, and envious; which looks a lot like cruelty.

One of the ways we know that women are short-sights, etc. is that the 1-10 ranking system is a guy thing. Generally speaking, women are more concerned with the brute question of, “Does he want me more than her?” It’s only after some man tells a woman of the 1-10 system (which is instinctive and naturally understood by men) that she becomes enthralled with knowing her place on it. My second point will show that this is insane.

2) The 1-10 scale is abstract; not concrete. It’s meant to illustrate; not define. Pursuit of “real knowledge” of a “real number rank” is a disorder revealed by the light of our first premise that Women are crazy. As I said: Men intuit that each man’s rank of the same woman will be different, and that it’s an expression of where that particular woman’s attractiveness ranks at this particular moment; respective of who we can recall immediately without too much effort.

3) Women are like fields of flowers: They are very pretty when bloomed, but go bad from the head down. This fading confuses and exasperates women as they daily greet each new day with less petals. Now, remember: Women are crazy. They have no idea how to value themselves, and in their insanity each wrinkle, grey hair, and saggy bit of face causes them a fit of re-evaluation; which seems reasonable on the face of it.

Except it’s not because they also tend to be short-sighted, vain, and envious. What usually ends up happening is that a score of scores in words are bled out in explanation of why they are still a 6 today even though they were a 6 yesterday, yet are objectively not as prettily-petaled today as yesterday.

Men are like farmers, and place a higher value on rich virgin soil, smooth slopes, easy irrigation, and a decided lack of plow-shattering stones. These all factor into an (abstract) appraisal of the rank of a given property. In addition, men grow an attachment to their own fields as they work them, and work with them. This attachment deepens into real appreciation as that work is rewarded with the joy of the harvest, and that joy recalibrates his sense of the 1-10 scale in the favor of his field; flowers or no.

Finally, what women consider attractive is irrelevant to those to whom the attraction actually matters. Men decide who is, and who is not, attractive.

My suggestion to women that want to obsess over numbers is to get into the kitchen and whip me up something delicious out of that dusty cookbook. It will tell you all the numbers you need to know. Those women who find this suggestion offensive are welcome to instead take off those sweatpants and sew a dress from pattern. Alternatively, you could make a grocery budget, or count out 3 sets of 10 lunges; knees all the way down to the floor, ladies. There’s no cheating in math.

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “Innumerable Insanities

  1. Thank you for putting to words some of my concerns Cane. I asked the question because I thought it was a good one, and because I wasn’t aware of anyone else (outside perhaps a PUA site) who had asked it in a serious manner. As I hope was obvious in my post, I’m not exactly sold on this idea.

    Wherever you go, if the threads of conversation veer into the importance of the 1-10 scale, the women start throwing out their numbers, bolstering each other, etc. I’m speaking of Christian, married, and ostensibly sane women. (And perhaps they are; with passing moments of madness.) You can’t stop them from wanting to know; from trying to dictate; from competing with each other, and trying to make sure no one gets too far ahead of the fold. They’ll protest that they don’t mean to be competitive. As the saying goes: “Numbers don’t lie”, and self-referentially invoking the 1-10 scale is nothing but numbers. So what we see here is that, untrained, women are short sighted, vain, and envious; which looks a lot like cruelty.

    This jives a lot with a comment left by Dana at my post. She was of the opinion that the female desire to know such matters is more about competing with other members of the Herd, and not with actually caring what men think about a woman’s looks.

    Men are like farmers, and place a higher value on rich virgin soil, smooth slopes, easy irrigation, and a decided lack of plow-shattering stones.

    Quote of the Day here.

  2. Women are crazy.
    Well, duh, yes, but do you think I’m pretty? What is this, kindergarten?

    What usually ends up happening is that a score of scores in words are bled out in explanation of why they are still a 6 today even though they were a 6 yesterday, yet are objectively not as prettily-petaled today as yesterday.

    It’s because I’m dizzy from doing all those lunges.

    I guess you’re right – it seems most women overrate their appearance. The rest seem to underrate themselves. So none are accurate.

  3. That’s a weird thing to do, I suppose, rate yourself. If my husband said something like “I’m definitely a 7” I would wonder if he’d hit his head.

    I’m a 4.5 by the way. It’s been a rough weekend, I started out 5.25. That’s the other thing, it can change on a daily basis. Sliding scale.

  4. @DG

    Thanks! I admit that I rather liked it myself.

    @SV

    Not everyone had a learning encounter with Sasha Glassman in kindergarten (ok, first grade).

    Well…crap. Perhaps some of my critics are right and I haven’t fully grappled with the disparities between my own experiences, and those of many other men.

    And, exactly: Whenever guys start rating themselves I begin to wish my screen was a window; out of which I could reach and rap them on the noggin.

  5. Cane are you saying I’m _not_ a perfect ten? The vapors…I think I’m getting the vapors…

  6. Pingback: Quote of the Day- October 6th, 2013 | Donal Graeme

  7. My suggestion to women that want to obsess over numbers is to get into the kitchen and whip me up something delicious out of that dusty cookbook. It will tell you all the numbers you need to know. Those women who find this suggestion offensive are welcome to instead take off those sweatpants and sew a dress from pattern. Alternatively, you could make a grocery budget, or count out 3 sets of 10 lunges; knees all the way down to the floor, ladies. There’s no cheating in math.

    Wonderful suggestions. My advice to girls would be this: you can only do so much to improve your physical appearance, that is going to fade, guaranteed. If you’re looking to be a wife and not just some guy’s f—buddy, your 1-10 number is only part of the picture; do what you can to improve it, but don’t obsess over it. Bring something more (and longer lasting) to the table if it is marriage you seek. Start with a pleasant demeanor.

    Women are like fields of flowers: They are very pretty when bloomed, but go bad from the head down. This fading confuses and exasperates women as they daily greet each new day with less petals. Now, remember: Women are crazy. They have no idea how to value themselves, and in their insanity each wrinkle, grey hair, and saggy bit of face causes them a fit of re-evaluation; which seems reasonable on the face of it.

    You don’t say.

  8. Wonderful suggestions. My advice to girls would be this: you can only do so much to improve your physical appearance, that is going to fade, guaranteed. If you’re looking to be a wife and not just some guy’s f—buddy, your 1-10 number is only part of the picture; do what you can to improve it, but don’t obsess over it. Bring something more (and longer lasting) to the table if it is marriage you seek. Start with a pleasant demeanor.

    To add to this, a woman’s SMV (her “number”) is only part of her MMV. There is a lot that a woman can do to raise her MMV (and a lot she can do to ruin it), whereas the same can’t be said for SMV. Perhaps the best attitude to take is that your SMV doesn’t really matter (except for very low and very high numbers), and push everything towards boosting your MMV. Since this will matter the most with the kind of man a woman would want to attract, it is the best way for a woman to spend her time.

  9. There is absolutely no reason on earth why a woman needs to be walking around with some arbitrary number in her head on the1-10 scale to determine what she looks like.

    What women need to do is stop being promiscuous, stop feeling entitled, and endeavor to be useful rather than just pretty. A man of value will notice a woman like that just fine.

    @Velvet:

    You’re right about how women rate themselves, which is why we shouldn’t. I just stick with “average” and “not much to look at” and let SAM’s wife goggled, distorted perception of my crumbling visage speak for itself.

  10. “and endeavor to be useful rather than just pretty”

    That and the use of “just” is perfect. My uncle once noted, “we all get fugly eventually.” And of course he was right.

  11. Chris Rock hits it right on the spot here regarding female attraction (WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE):

  12. Elspeth, it reads like an either or, or a teeter totter inverse proportionality. As a woman’s usefulness etc. increases, the looks quotient, of if we must, her number 1-10, desired by a man does not decrease similarly, and it will only decrease a little, it is limited. Oddly, the usefulness etc. can flip and take things badly if she is TOO useful. There is a band between high and low on usefulness and such, On looks there isn’t rally an upper limit, and there is a hard minimum somewhere.
    I know, Im making mountains from sand piles, pedant that I am

  13. I said “useful rather than just pretty. ” Pretty is a good thing of course, if she can swing it.

    She still needs to be useful and very few young women are in danger of being “too useful”. Whatever that means. Elaborate?

    Just what a man good wants: a pretty, useless wife. LOL.

  14. Pingback: Weaknesses (Sins) Disguised as Strengths (Virtues) | Loving in the Ruins

  15. Elspeth, I think what Empath was trying to convey is that a woman who is “too useful” is essentially an “uber-woman” who would have trouble looking up to/respecting most men. Personally, I think this is kind of unrealistic, but on a theoretical level he could be right.

  16. Pingback: The Answer is No | Donal Graeme

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s