The Language of Seduction

The acceptance of the word seduction among Christian men is one of the things I had in mind when I wrote my post Unplumbed Wrongness. I think a good deal of men like it for the very reason that it does have a dark connotation, and therefore they imagine it is “really powerful”; unlike convinction; which strikes men as goody-two-shoes.

I’ll just go ahead and throw this out there now, but the next link in the chain back is: Why did we stop using matchmakers, betrothal, etc.? This is part of the breakdown; the wrongness. Yet if you say it you’re a quack. By and large, one cannot get Christians to repent back to mere courtship; much less step back to arrangements.

Yet, the Bible generally presents a man choosing his spouse as the thing he does that brings trouble down on his head: Jacob (with Rachel), David, Solomon, Sampson, Pharoah (with Sarai)…I can’t think of an example of a man picking his spouse and it going well.

*Re-purposed from this comment.

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9 thoughts on “The Language of Seduction

  1. Thanks for throwing this out for thought. But we are never going back to families arranging marriage in this civilizations. The best that can happen, in my opinion, is for daughters to have enough respect for their father and mother to insist upon their approval before ‘courting’ or marriage. The key is the behavior of the female. I doubt if many of the women that David, Solomon, Sampson, Pharoah married had blessing from their parents. Of course some were political marriages.

  2. I’ll just go ahead and throw this out there now, but the next link in the chain back is: Why did we stop using matchmakers, betrothal, etc.? This is part of the breakdown; the wrongness. Yet if you say it you’re a quack. By and large, one cannot get Christians to repent back to mere courtship; much less step back to arrangements.

    I don’t disagree with this but parents by and large object to it as much as their children. Secondly. I have seen quite a couple of young men pass up nice girls their parents liked in favor of girls their parents were less enthused about. My husband finds himself frequently counseling a young groom who did exactly this. It’s hardly a problem isolated to young women.

    Yet, the Bible generally presents a man choosing his spouse as the thing he does that brings trouble down on his head: Jacob (with Rachel), David, Solomon, Sampson, Pharoah (with Sarai)…I can’t think of an example of a man picking his spouse and it going well.

    While I agree with your overall idea, this is a bit of a Biblical stretch, IMO.

    This is a topic that interests me greatly, so I stuck my nose in.

  3. Secondly. I have seen quite a couple of young men pass up nice girls their parents liked in favor of girls their parents were less enthused about. My husband finds himself frequently counseling a young groom who did exactly this. It’s hardly a problem isolated to young women.

    That part was in response to Bobbye’s comment. Sorry.

  4. @ Elspeth: “My husband finds himself frequently counseling a young groom ” And the young bride? I guess she deferred to her dad and mom and received their blessing at the start of courting? One side of a common story. Yes everyone is free to chose their own mate, and every ones parents were free to choose, and every ones grandparents were free to choose, and those who were free to choose would not like to imagine not having that freedom, even if voluntarily surrendered, but if nothing changes then nothing will change.

  5. @Bobbye

    But we are never going back to families arranging marriage in this civilizations.

    See what I mean about Christians? They announce the defeat of something they’ve never tried.

    @Elspeth

    I don’t disagree with this but…

    So it makes sense, and there’s no substantial argument with the concept, but it doesn’t sound like something Christians ought to try because…well, because.

    I think this (the two arguments against) is exactly what I said in my post.

  6. @ Cane: “See what I mean about Christians? They announce the defeat of something they’ve never tried.” You’re right. As the ekklesia, we are called to be separate and different from the world. Defeat is a tired old habit.

  7. I courted my wife over her (divorced) father’s objections — objections that to this day I am convinced were unfounded. I worked hard for several years to rebut/overcome his objections and to assuage her reservations due to his objections. Eventually, he gave me permission to ask her to marry me. In perhaps the ultimate irony, I wish now that his objections had prevailed and I had not married her. It may well be that I spent so much time trying to demonstrate my worthiness that I spent too little time confirming hers. She turned out to be crazy (not least because her father is a wacko) — probably narcissistic personality disorder. After 29 years and 4 kids, she divorced me without biblical grounds and then rushed into a remarriage that “required” her relocation 400 miles away with my daughter. She has unnecessarily and selfishly caused great damage to our kids and destroyed our family unit. The upheaval will continue when (not if) she divorces again (though her father somehow approves of the second husband, even though he is already twice divorced). Not sure if I’m anecdotal evidence for or against arranged marriage.

  8. You have misunderstood me Cane, or I have misunderstood you, or both. I was simply cautioning against using the examples you cited to make a leap and imply that there is a Biblical command along the lines of, “No man shall ever choose his wife.”

    I was not disagreeing with you at all.

  9. There’s been a few studies on arranged marriages and they’ve generally been found to be much happy than self selecting marriage. I work with a women who’s marriage was arranged. She’s very happy with it.

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