The Dog Who Didn’t Divorce

Why hasn’t there been–in the wake of Fifty Shades of Grey books and movie, the Magic Mike movies, etc.–an explosion of husbands filing for divorce? If porn is adultery, why aren’t men incensed? Does anyone know a man who has divorced his wife for reading romance novels? Has anyone ever heard of such a thing?

[CC: Answers to last post’s comments and questions soon.]

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10 thoughts on “The Dog Who Didn’t Divorce

  1. Porn has been defined down to only be imagery depicting acts that directly involve use of the sexual faculty. That’s further been defined to only include men’s use of same at a rhetorical level. So, when you hear a talk on “how bad porn is for marriages”, it’s always about how men using porn is a bad thing. I’ve only seen one of the mainstream Christian marriage advice types even state that romance novels are porn-for-women. (And if I recall correctly, it was just a statement of that fact and then he moved on.) Combine that with the incentives against men when they’re in the divorce system, the lack of sympathy men’s concerns receive in general and the lack of sympathy that a man would evince when his wife actually shows some interest in sex (just not with him, albeit, but that would get dropped in the responses he’d get). Plus, the argument that porn is adultery comes from a female centric point of view (the truth of it is that no, porn is not adultery, adultery is adultery. Porn use is a different sin. And porn use removes power from the sex-denying wife, which is why female-centric sources go on so about it while saying nothing about romance novels. I expect too, that it’s largely men who get hammered with the message not to divorce while women get the message that divorce is “bad” unless they “need” it, in which case, it’s some variation on “good”.

  2. @MW

    Welcome, and I agreed with almost everything you said.

    To me, the main takeaway is that men don’t really believe porn use is adultery. If they did, no matter what else others might say, they would divorce over it.

    The rest of the confusion of the topic is just that: Confusion.

  3. That’s a great point, Cane. It reminds me a bit of the old saying that women can forgive an affair that’s “just physical”, while men can forgive an emotional affair as long as “nothing happened”.

  4. To me, the main takeaway is that men don’t really believe porn use is adultery. If they did, no matter what else others might say, they would divorce over it.

    Yes, and that says a lot about men and how they think. Just as how women seeing it as adultery says a lot about women and how they think.

  5. Pingback: The Full and Fair Measuring of Adultery-by-Porn | Things that We have Heard and Known

  6. “Plus, the argument that porn is adultery comes from a female centric point of view (the truth of it is that no, porn is not adultery, adultery is adultery. Porn use is a different sin.”

    If porn use isn’t adultery, then porn use is a near-occasion of adultery sin.

  7. Hot chicks don’t care for porn; fat and fugly ones do (just look at E.L. James). If it wasn’t for FSOG, these fugly wives would want to have sex with their husbands. So of course the husbands don’t mind.

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