Where was I…Ah, yes: Why Graft?

Here I wrote about how marriage is very like grafting when it is done right (or done at all, really) and here I wrote about some considerations surrounding that. What I didn’t write about was why one has a woman grafted onto him; why one marries in the first place. What does the cut branch bring to the rootstock?

Fruit and beauty, but mostly fruit. What a gardner wants in a fruit garden is lots of good tasty fruit. There’s something to be said for beautiful foliage, too and the shade thrown[1] by lush foliage is full bloom is wonderful for its own sake.

Fruit in marriage is children, of course. And because marriage is also a fundamentally spiritual affair, then fruits are also love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. All these things are must-haves for consideration in marriage. Any branches who do not bear these fruits are a waste to the gardener so close inspection of the woman before marriage for these traits is essential.

Beauty is important, but not always in the way we think. We think we know what beauty when we see it, but usually we’re just telling ourselves stories about what we like rather than recognizing objective beauty. Objective beauty has a physical and spiritual fullness which is absent in things we merely like in our various and subjective attractions.

[1] Not to be confused with throwing shade; which is unpleasant, but sadly more common.

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5 thoughts on “Where was I…Ah, yes: Why Graft?

  1. Hi Cane; I just attempted to post the following over at Dalrock’s too, but 1) your readership doesn’t necessarily overlap 100% with his, and 2) I’m also specifically curious about your take on it.

    I’ve been reading in this corner of the web for nearly two years now and it has been, to say the least, transformative.
    Tangentially related to the original post, but quite relevant to the blog overall–If you were a Christian man soon to be married (having attempted to ‘vet’ very VERY carefully along the way), what set(s) of vows would you consider using? My fiancée and I are [i]not[/i] planning on attempting to write our own, and would like something that is biblically sound (e.g. not “blue pill”!) and representing the actual PROMISES of marriage.
    I’m somewhat involved in Christian ministries, but would have to admit a rather lacking knowledge of historical sets of Christian wedding vows.

    For any of you who are brothers in Christ, prayers are appreciated for someone who will be seeking to start and lead a godly family in a climate that is dead-set against both, and that I can make some positive biblically-based difference through my ministry involvements as well.
    Thanks for any wisdom you may be able to share!

  2. @J’s B:

    She gets to choose the colors and the flowers and the venue and whatever else she wants to for decoration, but the substance is yours. Let your first act of headship be to write your own vows; even write your own entire ceremony with her HELP, relying on the Book of Common Prayer or other traditional resources. Make sure “obey” is in there for her.

    Typically the wedding is thought of as the bride’s day to play. Let that idea play out only so far, but rein it in; it is YOUR day, and you are generously spreading the happiness to all and giving her the spotlight, a day of joy and celebration but a solemn, and sober one (which is not to say alcohol-free necessarily). On the wedding night (and indeed on all nights) make sure to get what you are paying for, as it were.

    Someone commented on Dalrock’s blog a while back that it should be tradition for the groom to burn the wedding dress soon after, maybe the day after the wedding, perhaps in a private backyard ceremony between the two of you, to show the end of girlhood and the beginning of womanhood. Weddings are for little girls and princesses. Being a wife is for grown-up women who are about the serious business of pleasing and helping a man and contributing to his vision.

    Filed under “If youth knew; if age could.”

  3. I was married in March 2015. I also did some serious vetting. I also have some personal advantages when it comes to dual citizenship etc that many American do not have that can help against the perils redpill men warn about. Vetting is extremely important today, always be watching what they do, not what they say.

    As for your question, these are the vows we used.

    Wedding vows
    Xxxxx will you repeat after me: I, Xxxxx take thee, Yyyyy to be my wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish till death do us part. All this I pledge to you through Christ who strengthens me.

    Yyyyy, would you repeat after me: I, Yyyyy take thee Xxxxx to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and obey till death do us part. All this I plead to you through Christ who strengthens me.
    _______________

    Unfortunately many churches/pastors consider them old fashioned and not relevant. Just make sure your wife’s vows include obeying you. I always tell my wife to respect me. I really don’t care if she says she loves me. Concern yourself with her respecting you.

  4. Unfortunately many churches/pastors consider them old fashioned and not relevant. Just make sure your wife’s vows include obeying you. I always tell my wife to respect me. I really don’t care if she says she loves me. Concern yourself with her respecting you.

    This! I could have written this.

    Always vet.

    The wife respecting the husband is crucial for both husband AND wife. Do not marry a woman who doesn’t think wives should respect / obey their husbands. Look at the relationship between her mother and father. If her mother does not respect / obey her father, RUN. In fact, if she was born and raised in a western country, don’t waste your time UNLESS you have GOOD* reason to (not the other way around).

    *Though it may seem like it, her being “smoking hot” is NOT a good reason.

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