Wives and Sons

When the Bible talks about servants, there are two types that really stand out: wives, and sons. There are daughters, bondservants, soldiers, concubines, chancellors, handmaidens, and plain ol’ slaves, but–if we give weight to the occurrences and stressed relationships of scripture–the wives and sons have it. I think that is because there is a permanence to these relationships that does not exist for others. Slaves can be sold, and soldiers dismissed, but a man’s son is always his son; even if they hate each other. No one else will forget that fact. Sons are marked by their fathers.

Daughters are peculiar. They come about the same way as sons, but when they marry they go through an alchemical process that abjures the daughter (in solicitate of gold) and evokes a wife. It’s magic. And the weirdness continues! Even though the wife follows the husband (because the husband is the head), the husband has joined to the wife–and that means becoming part of her family. Any man who has tried to move his wife across country from her family knows what I’m talking about.

There’s a sort of justification by adoption that occurs. “You wish to take my daughter? Very well: I want a son in return. Oh, there’s only you…well, I guess it will have to be you, then.” Looking on from a distance, and if we had the numinous sight to see the bursts and whorls of magic taking place in a marriage, it would look very much like a man submitting his daughter to a ritual by which she is turned into a much more capable son–a son who can produce more sons and wives.

Additionally, there are two times of real celebration which are remarkably in not keeping with the modern times, and yet irrepressible: marriage, and when a son is born. I was honestly shocked at how much more exuberant everyone was when my son was born. We had three daughters already, but a son is simply celebrated more; which strongly indicates he is valued more–contrary to everything we have been taught, or even might experience when they come of age. More is expected of them. More is expected of wives, too.

A foolish son is ruin to his father,
and a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.

House and wealth are inherited from fathers,
but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Wives can make a man’s house heaven or hell because we expect more of them. Daughters, we hope, can at least be married off so they become some other man’s primary concern…we’ll still see her at Sunday dinners.

So, if you have a wife and she’s not prudent, you can know she’s not of the Lord. What are you going to do about this?

Some Sounds of Love-Making

Some kind person re-blogged my post to Tacomaster (TM) at a marriage forum called, “Talk About Marriage“. In the comments there, a person named DTO confused my quotation of TM’s request with my actual response, and wondered that I don’t practice what I preach–as well DTO should. Additionally, some women in the comments of that post are attempting to work out exactly what is the right amount of talking they’d like to hear, and how. Finally, there was a question about do men really want to be loved, or do we just want sex and respect.

What follows is meant to address doubts–not that it must work, because I mustn’t say it must when it mustn’t–but that it can, and has. There was a time when I neither preached nor practiced what I wrote yesterday because I didn’t know any better, and I wasn’t yet desperate enough to work it out. It is also meant to demonstrate some more of what I meant by a husband desiring love, of desire that she accept his love.

But, “Don’t tell. Show.”, they say.

Yesterday afternoon I got an anxious text from Mrs. Caldo. She had filed a grievance with the school board about what she perceived as a mistreatment of one of our children. A bit later, she got a response, and sent another text; this one excited. To which I responded, “Let me know how it goes”. Here’s the rest (Mrs. Caldo on the left):

In the midst of a completely non-sexual conversation she knows what I mean by “available”. Not content to anticipate that evening, she tells me of her longing from before I knew, and is making plans for romping through the weekend.

An hour later she got word that her complaint to the school officials would be redressed. When she came home I said, “Don’t change. We’re going to celebrate your victory.”

“Where are we going?”

“The Steakhouse.”

“Yay! I wanted to go there, but I’d already laid out the food for dinner, and thought we should just stay here-“

“I already put the food back in the fridge. Let’s go.”

We piled the kids into my truck, had a great dinner, and toasted her success. When we got home we set the kids about getting ready for bed. As Mrs. Caldo turned from throwing her coat on the bed I grabbed hips and kissed her good, and kept going. Laughing, she asked, “Now? The kids are still up…”

“Be quiet”, I smiled. We drank deeply.

Ten years ago, Mrs. Caldo had denied me so often that I had sworn her off myself, and we nearly divorced. I’ve covered that.

But that’s not even the best part of yesterday; which I must admit was a very good day…though not uncommon.

I crawled into bed late, as is my wont. Mrs. Caldo was already long asleep. We have a ritual where I pull up the covers, lean over her, kiss her goodnight, and we exchange I-love-yous. She never remembers these the next day, but she always wakes up just enough to respond. When I kissed her last night, she said, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Do you?”, she murmured.

“Yes, despite my reservations”, I teased.

“Mmm…I don’t take reservations.”

I chuckled for five minutes. What a great response! Part of what made it so great for me is that I did not marry a witty girl. Smart, yes, but her family doesn’t have a tradition of witticism. She’s become much wittier over our marriage, and especially so since we truly determined to make our marriage work. That joke was Cane Caldo being reflected back at him by his wife. So well has she taken to him that she can literally do it in her sleep, and the laugh provider became the receiver. That’s what love sounds like between a man and his wife.

The Church in Ephesus: Marriage as Combat

Author’s Note: I owe a great deal to Dalrock, and his commenters. Particularly noteworthy are GKChesterton and Desiderius. No doubt several others made many of the same points, but I did not connect with them. Of course there are many who argued against. I thank them too.

The man who now calls himself Elihu (h/t: Ulysses) thinks has had had an awakening, and issued a warning:

So heads up quiet, obedient, chinless Churchian men: The pick-up artists have caught the scent of your relatively unsullied women, and we are coming for them. Whether our conversions are genuine or not is irrelevant to you. Your faux-Christian weekly social club is soon to be beset by an influx of thirty-something Lotharios. Learn Game and deprogram yourself from the Cultural Marxism that you picked up from your pastor as much as any Gender Studies professor or episode of Glee, because you’ll eventually go toe to toe* for the souls of your women, against those of us who have.

If I am very generous, I can see this as how Elihu might speak to the Church in Thyatira. Probably too generous: Elihu was a righteous man who took God’s position; not the position of Job’s enemy. I address the Church in Ephesus–the enemies of the sons of the earth mother, the sons of the huntress—like this:

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. ¹⁴ Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ¹⁵ and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; ¹⁷ and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, ¹⁸ praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, ¹⁹ and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

Notice that the Christian man must take up the shield of faith himself–not irrational confidence–to extinguish the enemy’s favored weapon of flaming darts (arrows, and javelins). He must pick up the sword of the Spirit–which is not Game–but the Word of God, to combat evil. For every suggestion the Player asserts, there is a superior choice in scripture.

There is a discipline that puts the sword in its rightful place, central to the life of the martial man, and that way is called chivalry.

I can hear you already (as I have foolishly said myself, to my shame): “Chivalry is failed!” To abscond with a Chesterton quote:

Chivalry has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.

It’s not that chivalry was not manly enough; but that the weight of its manliness was greater than men are inclined to wield. Indeed, chivalry’s weight is godliness.

This, then, is the beginning of a new era for me, if not others. I mean to lay out as much of the map as I can see, in this space, about what a new form of chivalry will look like. During this time, I’ll cover pragmatic topics such as behavior and dress; to abstract topics like the nature of authority, and Nicolaism. There will be a good deal more on Ephesus, Artemis, reproof of the Church, and calling men to recapture her.

I am aware there are much smarter men writing on these things; probably in what is called the Orthosphere. Maybe they are a better fit for you. I can’t say because I don’t read them. My attempts left me…bemused. I am earnest, but a novice.

In the meantime, this is an analogy of what Chivalry looks like when confronted with the problem of caring for women, children, and the old; in a world threatened by the kith and kin of Artemis.

* This is not a change. From stem-to-stern, Game is a martial discord meant to defeat other men, to gain their women. Christianity calls for marital discipline.