Baby, You’re Dead Inside

One last post on another area of our lives where we don’t even begin to plumb the wrongness. Then, for my disposition, I have to take a break from that subject.

I saw a post the other day lamenting a version of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” performed by Lady Gaga and Joseph Gordon Levitt. In the original (and most versions) the female is trying to make her excuse to leave a man’s house (The case could be made that she’s trying to leave a party, but the song is quiet and intimate. It doesn’t jive.), while the male voice tempts her to stay; mostly by saying, “Baby, it’s cold outside.” In this new version with LG and JGL they swap the roles and it is the female trying to tempt the man to stay. The case was made, at that blog, that this was a sign of how far we’d fallen as a society, and that the original arrangement is the better, conservative, choice.

Just to be sure we have this straight in our minds: A Christmas song about an unmarried man trying to talk an unmarried woman into staying at his residence alone and past the acceptable time is the “good and conservative” version of events? She says right in the song that her mother will be worried, her father will be pacing the floor, and even her brother is waiting at the door; sick with worry. Well, my good conservative friends: Fret not! At the end of the song: She stays!

What’s ironic is that the Lady Gaga version is much more likely to occur. That’s my experience. Not only that, when we see remonstrations in scripture to avoid fornication and adultery, it says things like this:

For at the window of my house
I looked through my casement,
and beheld among the simple ones,
I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding,
passing through the street near her corner;
and he went the way to her house,
in the twilight, in the evening,
in the black and dark night:
10 and, behold, there met him a woman
with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart.
11 (She is loud and stubborn;
her feet abide not in her house:
12 now is she without, now in the streets,
and lieth in wait at every corner.)
13 So she caught him, and kissed him,
and with an impudent face said unto him,
14 I have peace offerings with me;
this day have I payed my vows.
15 Therefore came I forth to meet thee,
diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.
16 I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry,
with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt.
17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh,
aloes, and cinnamon.
18 Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning:
let us solace ourselves with loves.
19 For the goodman is not at home,
he is gone a long journey:
20 he hath taken a bag of money with him,
and will come home at the day appointed.
21 With her much fair speech she caused him to yield,
with the flattering of her lips she forced him.
22 He goeth after her straightway,
as an ox goeth to the slaughter,
or as a fool to the correction of the stocks;
23 till a dart strike through his liver;
as a bird hasteth to the snare,
and knoweth not that it is for his life.

That’s in the Old Testament. In the New Testament, even when being warned about wayward men, we see this same paradigm of the man in the woman’s house.

3 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith. But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was.

Whether she is the temptress, or he is the interloper, the most common way this goes down is at the woman’s residence.

I do have some questions, though: What are we hoping happens in the good old-fashioned version? Are we satisfied with a paltry dose of disobedience towards her father? It seems maybe some payoff is in order: They definitely need to neck, and I don’t think a bit of slap-n-tickle would go amiss in this cozy situation. It’s not as if they have to have actual sex–maybe we hope she just gives him a blowjob, and then returns to press her brother’s cheek, kiss her father with those lips, and tell him everything is fine. Sounds charming, doesn’t it!

The good old-fashioned version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” wrought Lady Gaga; brought down the feminist monster on our heads. Wake up!

14 Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. 15 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. 18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; 19 speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; 20 giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 21 submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

What we praise and what we entertain in our minds–redeeming the time–has always been linked to the state of our marriages. We cannot conduct ourselves as the world does, and then hope everything is fine after our weddings.

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12 thoughts on “Baby, You’re Dead Inside

  1. Maybe he was trying to propose and she wouldn’t shut up and sit still. I know someone just like that.

    Women don’t have business alone with men they’re not married to. That’s best. That song, as much as I love it, pretty much spells it out. Best case he puts a ring on it, but that pretty much guarantees she’s not leaving in original condition.

  2. You can always link a post. Don’t worry about asking permission in the future.

    I don’t disagree with a single thing you say, though I’d say the song itself speaks more of a fallen woman that only stays moral because of her reputation and image rather than a love for God, morals, or good behavior. Nor did I ever claim the song is even conservative, let along Christian. It isn’t something I’d let a future daughter of mine listen to; though a fun night of playful back and forth to it with a wife wouldn’t be something I’d be against.

    Otherwise, I avoid all Christmas music. Including this. Unless someone plays it again at a Christmas event I go to, I doubt I’ll hear it. And I doubt I’ll hear it there, because all such events will be Catholic.

    Yet I still appreciate and enjoy it when it comes on, and likely wouldn’t change a radio station that played it. Does that make me hypocritical? Maybe. Does it make me fallen? Definitely. Will I still avoid it, despite enjoying it? Yes.

    I don’t claim to be perfect, only to be getting less fallen.

  3. @Leap

    Thanks. I thought it was yours, but when I looked at your blog (for all of ten seconds) I didn’t see it immediately, and I just decided to move on.

    As far as the rest of your comment: That’s incoherent. I have not said you have to run screaming from the store, make a display of your contempt, or even feel really really guilty because you like the song. You can change the channel on the radio, though.

    It’s never about following the rules and avoiding hypocrisy, Leap. It’s about keeping yourself from corruption. It’s a similar scenario to Downton Abbey: Because it appears good old-fashioned (conservative) and because good old-fashioned appeals to your cast of mind (your sensibilities) you’re more susceptible to it than you would be to a modern song called, “I want to sex you up on Christmas Eve”. Those things become your little household idols. The King James version translates “household idols” as “images”. They are knick-knack things that represent something else; ungodly things.

    I say these things to and for you (and Velvet, Elspeth, and everyone else

    I’ve been following your blog, and I am rooting for you. I’ve even prayed for you a couple times. One of the things you’re going to run into with the fathers of the women you pursue is their own affection for household idols, and how that interferes with their ability to see you as a Godly man pursuing a chaste and holy relationship with their daughters. You’ll find it hard for them to relinquish them to your rightful care. Read Genesis 31.

  4. @ Cane
    Thanks for the info. And yes, I have noticed I have to be more careful about the things I instantly like; sometimes there’s a reason that is entirely untrustworthy.

    Also, thanks for your prayers. I’ve noticed that about fathers. I haven’t had issues with them and how they view me, but several about how they think I should be doing it. All the wrong ways. I’ve heard everything from the ‘friend’ angle to them thinking I should re-order my life to be like theirs was at my age. Genesis was a good reminder that, despite any desire to go through things traditionally, should I be approved by the daughter but not the father, I might have to move forward anyways. Not ideal, but not unprecedented.

  5. “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is another fake Christmas song. Written by Frank Loesser, it’s one of many Judaic songs to de-Christianize Christmas in America. Look at this list. Any time there is a “Christmas” song that isn’t Christian, look for the Judaic.

  6. @Leap

    should I be approved by the daughter but not the father, I might have to move forward anyways. Not ideal, but not unprecedented.

    Whoa, whoa, whoa… Jacob earned both wives fair and square, and he assented to seven years of labor each for Leah and Rachel. What happens in Genesis 31 is after they are married. Once that happens: Yeah, you don’t need to seek his approval any longer.

    Also note: Rachel, Jacob’s favorite wife, stole the household idols that were precious to Laban, and hid them under herself. She got away with it by saying she was on her period. Get that? “I’m just a woman (and hiding idols is what we do).” And it was through Leah that Christ came. She had more sons in general–including Levi, the priestly branch–and more children over all.

    As a husband, part of husbanding is rooting out those household idols so that they don’t tarnish your wife and family, and where are we shown women prefer to hide them, and to what is the love of them compared? Let me assure you: This is a very unpleasant task, but so important. The most worthwhile fight Mrs. Caldo and I ever had was banning Oprah. That was far from the last fight, but winning that–which took months–set the tone for every success we have now.

  7. Why do so many Christian bloggers use coarse sexual language in their writing? It doesn’t seem necessary. I don’t read SSM any more because I got sick of what amounted to lewdness. Couldn’t the immorality of the song be highlighted in a more dignified way?

  8. @ Cane
    Sorry, I was apparently more tired than I thought and was applying a concern of mine wrongly to the text. However, it does bring up an interesting question:

    For the traditional man, how does one proceed if her father doesn’t approve yet she does? I can’t imagine Jacob’s story happening, because one doesn’t earn a wife in that way any more with the death of traditional courtship and marriage.

  9. @Leap

    You can either win the father over, or you can move on.

    There’s still quite a bit of Jacob and Laban’s story going on; it’s just implicit now. “You have to have a degree, you have to have a steady job”, etc. They still don’t want to marry off their favorite daughters. They still try to interfere and run their son-in-laws households.

  10. My memory is bad but in the movie aren’t they stuck in a hotel (lobby?) and she’s trying to return to her room? Tangential I know. You are also right that Lady Gagas version is strangely more conservative.

  11. Pingback: Things that We have Heard and Known

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